...not worthy of sleep... i've laid here for almost 3 hours, unable to sleep. there is a constant rattling in my mind, forcing me onto a circular path. to clear my mind, i think of her, but in thinking of her, i worry about things she said. worried of how i will mess things up. the saying goes 'all good things come to those who wait', but what happens after you get said good things...?  how does one go about keeping these good things...?  how indeed. i fear that after the wait and finally getting the 'good things', that they will be taken from me far more easily than it took me to gain them.

23.7.06 19:51 Permalink / comment

Fear Caught in the clammy fist of fear. Fear of losing something not yet acquired. I can do nothing else but to persevere, Though my heavy heart feels terribly tired. Release me from my melancholy, I do humbly behest. Save me from my own fanciful folly, Before I become that which I detest.

26.5.06 05:45 Permalink / comment

The Cruel Hand of Fate With all the twists life has thrown at me before, I am growing more and more skeptical, sinking into the belief that when something good comes my way, it will be my curse which will dictate my actions and cause me to drive it away. Right now, I think I spy something great on the horizon... but try as I may to draw nearer, I don't seem to make any progress.  Not only that, but I am starting to see obstacles rise up, blocking the path to the great prize; whether these obstacles are from my own imagination , or whether they are of substance, I am unclear. The problem is that this kind of situation has occured so many times, that thinking on it, drops me into the depths of despair.  It's as though Fate is constantly playing the same game with me and I am forever falling into the Hands of Fate; falling for her every trap.  The pieces on the board are looking familiar, yet will I still make the same mistakes...? At this conjuncture, to find someone to comfort and console me is just as difficult as overcoming these obstacles.  I fear I have distanced my friends through my repeated talk of one particular subject.  But what a subject to stay on! The situation seems to be draining me of my energies, leaving me lifelessly wallowing in my own self-pity.  I would ask for deliverance but I fear that even this request is not mine to make.

3.5.06 16:48 Permalink / 1 Comment / comment

...resistance seems futile... Welcome are the pains that depression brings, but I find not depression where I walk, in its stead, I find defiance.  Integrity will not allow me the throes of depression; will not allow the teeth of its  reassurance sink into my soul.  Despite my efforts to repress the defiance, it will not sit still, it rumbles restlessly, wriggling its way to the surface.  A part of me wants it to surface, but a part of me would rather embrace the soothing song of the sombre songstress. It worries me that I would choose the weaker option of the two.

20.3.06 13:29 Permalink / comment

Short As soon as it started, Jonas knew there was no turning back.  He looked at the gate, fearful, yet also excited.  He could hear the crowd roaring outside, chanting, singing, ooh-ing and ahh-ing.  This was his time, today was his day and he knew it would be his finest hour.  There was a loud clanking of metal and Jona could now hear the ratchet for the gate clicking as it turned.  Light filtered into the corridor in which he stood as the gate began to rise.  Jonas cleared his throat, checked his armour straps and confidently strode forward to meet his destiny. He stepped out onto the arena floor, and as he did so, the crowds roared with a new vigour.  The atmosphere was electrifying.  Jonas smiled beneath his amoured mask and faced each section of the crowd, bowing.  The arena was oval in shape but the audience stands were sectioned off, North, East, South and West.  There, high up in the North stands, Jonas could see the special spectators' box, reserved for important people such as royalty, but tonight, it had been reserved for his family.  There was a crackle in the air as the public announcement speaker buzzed to life and the competition's announcer spoke out.  The crowd hushed to silence as tonight's battle was about to begin.

1.5.05 07:33 Permalink / 3 Comments / comment

The Dark I am wrought with guilt; it plagues me as, lately, I have been going against all my own principles.  My actions, of late, are not true to my usual self and not only am I betraying others, I feel I am betraying myself. It is difficult to resist against this pull, but I feel that, should I continue to let this rot fester, it shall consume me from deep within my core. I do not proclaim to be on the straight and narrow path, far from it, but the road I am on right now seems only to lead to darkness... and the darkness I fear...

21.1.05 11:02 Permalink / 3 Comments / comment