as i sit here and ponder how on earth my life has managed to get to this point, there is one thing that i muse upon the most... am i happy...? for the past few years, i think i have been happier than i was back home when i felt like i was stuck in a rut. coming out to HK has been an experience, good or bad will depend on what happens later really... right now, i feel as though i'm quite blessed... i have a job that i like doing (although it is definitely a lot tougher than i first thought), i have a gf who treats me nice (when she's not angry at me) and for a change, i feel as though i'm doing something and slowly but surely moving forwards... but... forwards to where? right now, in my current state of mind, i'm just thinking death... i'm so tired today, i have been working my ass off all week, but instead of a nice reward, all i have at the end of it, is a body that is threatening to shut down on me, everything at the edge of my vision oscillating and a throbbing headache. how did things go so badly... at the start of the week, i was in control and by the end of it, everything was so out of whack, i barely have an idea where i am or what i'm doing.

is it bad that lately i've been wondering what it would've been like if i was never born at all? and is it worse if i think that the world would be a better place without me in it...? my presence here doesn't seem to be benefiting anyone... least of all me...

but the sad fact is that i have been born... and rather than wallowing in self pity, i should be doing things to rectify whatever crudhole i've fallen into this time... 

it seems i've been messing things up quite a lot lately, so really i should work towards not messing things up.. sigh... no wonder i feel like such a failure...