isn't it strange how when you're growing up, you decide a certain job would be a cool job, just because you have an interest in it... it's never money-related or anything to do with so-called "success"... as you grow older (and hopefully wiser) you start thinking that you don't want "cool" anymore, you just want money... whether it be for the future, a girl you want to impress, or that new car you want to buy, a job that pays you a shit-load is a job worth having... right? right?

i guess it does make sense, if that's all you really cared about... but what about that young kid that still lives inside you, kicking and screaming because you gave up the dream? what do you do about that? strangle it until the kicking and screaming subsides? I mean, i know we have to be realistic sometimes but isn't it better to chase the dream while you can still enjoy the dream, rather than wait until you're so beaten, cynical and just down-right not bothered about dreams?

it's pretty sad that society/culture/life on earth has made people only ever dream about earning more money...

yay, got some new toys today, and pretty chuffed about them too :P

chuffed enough to stick them up here anyways! although, i want a new camera to take pics of my toys... how sad am i ?

anyways, woo hoo! Majin Buu rules!!

Majin Vegeta joined the team too!

it's always doom and gloom when i write, but sadly that seems to be the only times i feel like putting my thoughts into words. it's not quite that easy though is it, putting thoughts into words... right now, the words are all jumbling up, trying to adhere to each other, at least make a semblance of sense, but it's just not happening...

so i understand how sometimes, when something bad is happening, you don't want to talk about it... but if someone offered a shoulder for me to cry on, or a hand to hold at that moment i felt everything was being sucked away, at that moment, i would feel glad to have a friend/person who knew that that was all i needed. an offer. 

remembering back to when i felt that way, i tried to offer the same thing i had wished for, but never got. however i was spurned. i just hope that they know i'm here for them, feeling what they're feeling and sad to see them so sad...

as i sit here and ponder how on earth my life has managed to get to this point, there is one thing that i muse upon the most... am i happy...? for the past few years, i think i have been happier than i was back home when i felt like i was stuck in a rut. coming out to HK has been an experience, good or bad will depend on what happens later really... right now, i feel as though i'm quite blessed... i have a job that i like doing (although it is definitely a lot tougher than i first thought), i have a gf who treats me nice (when she's not angry at me) and for a change, i feel as though i'm doing something and slowly but surely moving forwards... but... forwards to where? right now, in my current state of mind, i'm just thinking death... i'm so tired today, i have been working my ass off all week, but instead of a nice reward, all i have at the end of it, is a body that is threatening to shut down on me, everything at the edge of my vision oscillating and a throbbing headache. how did things go so badly... at the start of the week, i was in control and by the end of it, everything was so out of whack, i barely have an idea where i am or what i'm doing.

is it bad that lately i've been wondering what it would've been like if i was never born at all? and is it worse if i think that the world would be a better place without me in it...? my presence here doesn't seem to be benefiting anyone... least of all me...

but the sad fact is that i have been born... and rather than wallowing in self pity, i should be doing things to rectify whatever crudhole i've fallen into this time... 

it seems i've been messing things up quite a lot lately, so really i should work towards not messing things up.. sigh... no wonder i feel like such a failure...

I am and always have been a strong believer of human kindness and today I have been rewarded for my belief of this long, lost trait... In a moment of stupidity I dropped my wallet in a taxi on the way home tonight, unfortunately for me I had 2 credit cards, 2 debit cards, UK driver's license (i'm in Hong Kong), HK ID card, China ID card, registered Octopus card (the HK equivalent of the Oyster card in the UK), about HK$300 and some other sentimental stuff inside it...

I was livid. I've never dropped my wallet before and it is a terrible feeling. My whole identity was in there for the taking and it was out there in the wild... after all my huffing and puffing and tantrums, I finally settled down to call up the various hotlines to cancel this card and that... cursing profoundly at myself for such a stupid occurance.

and then I got a phonecall from the police telling me they had my wallet

I was so happy and relieved. Apparantly a Mr Chan had taken the taxi after me and found my wallet, then took it to the police station (at 1am no less). Which just goes to show that this world still has some good people left. I got there shortly after he had left, so I couldn't thank him personally. But I do thank him from the bottom of my heart. I know that if I myself ever found a wallet on the street, I would take it to the police too and I am so glad that someone else out there has done this tonight. It just goes to show that the milk of human kindness is still out there and I hope that it continues to flow.

Thank you Mr Chan, wherever you may be.